20 May 2012
WASHINGTON, DC – In an unprecedented move, the FCC has censored the entirety of the Ying Yang Twin’s follow up to their seminal hit, “The Whisper Song.” “It was just distasteful,” commented Gary Ichniowsky, Vice President of Urban Oversight. “I haven’t felt this uncomfortable since Eminem was rapping about his mom.” The song, reportedly a [...]
17 May 2012
DETROIT, MICHIGAN – Rap superstar Marshall Mathers, AKA Eminem, admitted at a press conference last week to being afraid “the whole damn time.” Eminem’s physician, Dr. Dre, MD, MPH, confirmed that the rapper indeed has a crippling case of performance anxiety that extends from the stage to the bedroom. “I thought I overcame it with [...]
16 May 2012
SHANGHAI – Rapper and Cash Money Millionaire, Birdman, is currently being held in The People’s Republic of China on charges of biological warfare. Farm fowl infected with the H1N1 virus were reportedly visibly acting abnormal, with peculiar behavior including excessive hoarding of corn, physical confrontation between males, and [...]
15 May 2012
NIAGARA FALLS, NY – Tourist Ed Wilkenson, 55, is presumed dead today after chasing waterfalls in Niagara and plummeting over 150 feet into a wet rock bed. “Now, I told him to stick to the rivers and the lakes that we’re used to over in Minnesota, you know,” said his wife, Ann Wilkenson, “But he [...]
12 May 2012
Dear Dr. Dre, It’s your homeboy Ramon. Listen, I caught my son masturbating to Elmer Fudd. He’s seven. The fuck? – Your homeboy Ramon Ramon, It is clear to me that this is really a call for help and that your son lacks a positive male role model in his life. It is not uncommon [...]
Posted in Dr. Dre’s Medical Mysteries, Featured, News
11 May 2012
BROOKLYN – Shawn Carter AKA Jay-Z is excited today after discovering a totally awesome new band on his wife Beyonce Knowles’ iPod. “I had that shit on shuffle and all a sudden I hear this synth come in, real retro like 90s shit. Then girl comes on talking about being a survivor and shit. Damn” [...]
07 May 2012
COLUMBUS, OHIO – A suburban, white, 14-year old boy has just proclaimed himself Kid CuDi’s biggest fan after smoking marijuana for the first time. Brett Johnson, of Columbus, Ohio, smoked marijuana at approximately 3:14 in the afternoon this past Wednesday. At 4:43 PM, Johnson made the announcement that he was Kid CuDi’s most ardent supporter [...]
03 May 2012
HARLEM WORLD – Video ho LaShonda Richards is reportedly engaged to rapper Mase, and “totally doing it because she loves you daddy.” The charming couple met at a recent video shoot for the musician’s comeback single “Welcome Back…Again,” in which LaShonda played background eye candy. “We fell in love immediately, it was so romantic. He [...]
02 May 2012
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA – Tyler Perry and Woody Allen have agreed to start production on a new film this summer, a move industry insiders are calling “the best thing to happen to African American/Jewish relations in America since the formation of the NAACP and Drake.” The film, tentatively titled Madea’s Mildly Uncomfortable Bat Mitzvah , begins [...]
30 April 2012
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS – Twista–the Guinness-rated fastest rapper alive–opened a time warp yesterday when an in-studio freestyle broke the sound barrier and destroyed 13 billion years worth of physics. “He was rapping so fast. Then there was this whirring sound. I couldn’t tell if it was just unintelligible word vomit, a Sean Paul song, or a [...]
Posted in News
28 April 2012
“Dr. Dre’s Medical Mysteries” is a weekly TRI feature which provides readers with reliable, accurate opinions of esteemed medical expert Dr. Dre. The goal is to allow our readers to make responsible decisions concerning their health and well-being. Information provided by Dr. Dre’s Medical Mysteries is scientifically accurate medical advice and that we feel should replace the [...]
Posted in Dr. Dre’s Medical Mysteries, News
26 April 2012
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS – A study recently released by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has determined that there is an inverse relationship between the money one makes and their subsequent problems, disproving the popular Notorious B.I.G. song “Mo Money Mo Problems.” “We had all been under the impression that an increase in liquid assets would inevitably [...]
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