Published on February 23rd, 2012 | by thon janners0
Busta Rhymes Attributes Blazing Fast Rapping to “Turbo Button,” Doctors Perplexed
NEW YORK – Years of excitement turned to confusion and great sadness Tuesday, as fans of Busta Rhymes discovered that the rapper’s lightning-fast flow is due not to innate rap talent, but to an exceedingly rare genetic deformity known as “Nintendo’s Disease.”
Asked how he rhymed so fast by up and coming star Wiz Khalifa at an annual industry banquet, Mr. Rhymes replied, “Just hit the fuckin’ Z-button.”
The room descended into silence. When Khalifa timidly inquired where that was, Rhymes stood up, lifted his shirt and shouted: “Damn man, just reach around to the back. You just hit it with your index finger and shit and, you know, do a barrel roll on the track!”
Moments later, Rhymes collapsed on the floor in what appeared to be a seizure but was later confirmed to be a performance of “Look At Me Now.” The rapper–an otherwise healthy 39 year old–was rushed to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital where he was examined by several Nintendo specialists.
“This is one of the worst cases we’ve seen,” said Dr. Jeffrey Adelman, researcher at Columbia. “He probably only has weeks.”
At this point, doctors are considering multiple strategies for Mr. Rhymes including gene therapy, surgery, and double-tapping the Z-button to accomplish a spin move and thus defeat this malicious opponent.