KANTO – The Rap Insider has learned that Rick Ross was found asleep on the corner of Route 16, supposedly due to high doses of Rozay and the after effects of “cocaine runnin in [his] big vein,” according to his spokesperson.
Another source, speaking anonymously, tells us that Ross was in the middle of performing the risky TM32 (Double Team) sex act with DJ Khaled when he collapsed. Gym leader Misty was reportedly the third party, but could not be reached for comment after repeated calls to her Cerulean City gym. Paparazzi have repeatedly photographed Misty with Ross and his supposedly prodigious “Hydro Cannon.”
The surly Ross, approximately 400 pounds, could not be revived or moved via traditional methods, such as slam, chop, whirlwind, or holding a glass of Henessey in front of the slumbering rapper’s nose. After many failed PokeFlute attempts, Ross regained consciousness via repeated shouts of “HWUH, HWUH” and “UGHN, UGHN” from his posse,. Ross then attempted to fight his crew, yelling that he was “Larry Hoover,” but was quickly contained by the promise that he would soon receive a “fat blunt and some nice and thick latina bitches.”
“Only if they play with my ultra balls,” said the rapper as his crew dragged him to the nearest Wingstop to recharge his health.