CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS – A study recently released by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has determined that there is an inverse relationship between the money one makes and their subsequent problems, disproving the popular Notorious B.I.G. song “Mo Money Mo Problems.”
“We had all been under the impression that an increase in liquid assets would inevitably lead to an influx of complications in one’s life, but in reality, the reverse is true,” said the lead researcher Woodrow Starks. “Simply put, when one has a large amount of money, be it through financial planning or selling rock, many life problems tend to disappear.”
This study comes years after the same research team cast doubt on the theory that it’s all about the benjamins, baby. Researchers performed their study by using Mos Def’s simplified theory of Mathematics, which utilizes stratified sampling, histograms, and charmingly off key singing.
The findings were corroborated by Warren Buffet who–when told the title of the song in question–proceeded to eat ten thousand dollars worth of singles.
“Does it look like I have any problems?” shouted an engorged Buffet.
MIT’s resounding answer: no.
Based on the findings of the MIT study, Cornell is set to explore the relationship of “who’s hot, who not, who rock, who sell out in the stores” sometime next year.