CHINA – Representatives from the Fair Labor Association (FLA) noticed an unusual odor during a recent inspection of Apple’s primary production facility during a recent inspection, leading to a shocking discovery.
“We examined the building next door and found a massive recycling complex where washed up American Idol stars were being literally refurbished into the next pop stars,” said Armand Tanzarian, Vice President of the FLA.
“I saw Jordin Sparks being melted down and molded into a thousand national anthem singing twelve year olds. It was disgusting.”
Top secret documents seized in the inspection revealed further stunning revelations.
“It turns out that Ruben Studdard was split down the middle in 2004 and turned into John Legend and Trey Songz,” continued Tanzarian. “Carly Rae Jepsen? Clay Aiken with a wig.”
Ownership of the factory has been traced to William Hung, the controversial Idol star who rode a brief period of stardom in 2004 to absolutely nowhere.
“After Simon Cowell verbally and literally murdered most idol contenders, I knew I had to find a way to create new artists whose music I could rip off” said Hung when interviewed at his Chengdu factory.
On a bright note, Kelly Clarkson is reportedly just one more underwhelming pop single away from being sent to the Idol recycling plant, where subordinates of Mr. Hung plan to create a Clarkson/Rebecca Black hybrid that promises to simultaneously revolutionize pop music and hasten the approaching doomsday.
The uncovering of the recycling plant, however, has yet to explain how Ryan Seacrest actually became famous. The investigation is ongoing.