LOS ANGELES – Despite a Los Angeles man’s efforts to have a good day, his momma has cooked a breakfast containing pork products, rendering his day mediocre.

Brian Johanssen, a man who just wanted to have a good day, said that, “my mom made bacon and eggs, and immediately, the day went from a good one, to just pretty average.”

When questioned, Johanssen’s mom said, “I was only trying to give him some strength on the basketball court.  I wanted my little Bry to fuck around and get a triple-double like last week.” According to reports, Johanssen could not even manage a double-double.

And while the Lakers just beat the Nuggets, Johanssen remains unsatisfied. Johanssen does not possess an AK, but was forced to use his pepper spray as a preemptive strike after spotting a carjacker in his rear view mirror.

To make matters worse, Kim could only fuck part of the night. As Johanssen read the lights of the good year blimp–which read “Brian is moderately successful with the ladies”–he reflected on the day.

“I gotta say, it wasn’t a bad day, but it wasn’t a good day. It was definitely a day.”