SEATTLE – A video of a new Boeing prototype leaked to YouTube yesterday, depicting an aircraft whose engine perfectly replicates the sound of dubstep.
This morning, superstar DJs Skrillex, Flux Pavillion, and Rusko held a joint press conference, announcing their collective retirement.
“Now that Boeing’s engine can do my set for me, I’m going to be even more useless at my shows than I already was,” remarked Skrillex. “They don’t even need iTunes to operate it. It’s bloody brilliant.”
In a statement released by Boeing, CEO Jim Albaugh noted that the sound of the engine was “pure coincidence…probably the product of one of our interns drinking too many Red Bulls and forgetting to turn down the bass on his Beats by Dre.”
Festival promoters are already giddy at the possibilities presented by the new engine, which has been publicly dubbed “Hairless Skrillex”. Coachella’s organizers have already reserved two weeks in August and all of the world’s MDMA for 14 days of nonstop off-beat dancing and convulsing.
Not all reactions to the revolutionary engine have been as positive, however. An online petition to keep America’s airspace free of dubstep has already received three million signatures, prompting a budding anti-dubstep legislation debate on Capitol Hill.
In particular, legislators are worried that Boeing’s new engine will lead to an increase in members of the Mile High Club, as clueless teenagers who think of Skrillex as sex music will be driven into a mid-flight frenzy not even Barry White could create.
Interest from the US Military, however, has kept heated politicians at bay.
“We think Boeing’s latest stroke of genius could give us a permanent advantage in all military operations,” said Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta. “When our enemies hear this engine coming, they’ll either be overcome by a fit of horrible dance moves or they’ll gouge their ears out. Either way, we win.”