Published on June 1st, 2012 | by Jon Tanners0
Lou Bega’s Los Angeles Home Burned Down, Mambos Number 1-4 Found in Artist’s Basement
LOS ANGELES – Singer and accused murderer Lou Bega’s mansion burned down in Los Angeles this week.
After investigators recovered from the shock of realizing that Lou Bega actually owned a mansion, they discovered Mambos #1-4 in the one hit wonder’s basement.
Officials also found copies of the artist’s album. Local archaeologist Tim Darlington hypothesized that “these rare artifacts may be the only copies ever owned in existence.”
Further investigation revealed the tragedy of Mr. Bega’s post-mambo existence.
“Lou Bega was running a low-down LA whore house, where he conducted some despicable and deranged sexual acts” said lead investigator Col. Daryl Gates Jr. “All those numbers in the song? They referred to hookers. I shouldn’t get into the gruesome details; all I can reveal is that they often involved the trumpet.”
The discovery of the extensive prostitution ring would not be the day’s only revelation. Also found in the basement: a little bit of Jessica, Monica, Sandra, and Rita.
“From the look of his basement, Bega appears to be one of the most prolific serial cannibals in American history,” said Gates Jr. “Not since ‘My Neck, My Back’ has anyone eaten this much p*ssy. Literally.”
Bega has been released from LAPD custody under the condition that he perform at every Bar Mitzvah in the Los Angeles area this weekend.