NEWARK, NEW JERSEY- Rap stars Redman and Method Man were arrested this past Tuesday for the marijuana-related kidnapping and murder of The Muffin Man.
It was a grisly scene at 104 Drury Lane. Neighbors reported hearing the two outside The Muffin Man’s house planning their infiltration into the delicious baked good’s home.
Raekwon the Chef has also been implicated in the murder, but continues to refute ever even knowing the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man.
Police arrived on the scene shortly after the break-in to find Redman and Method Man giggling and nibbling at the Muffin Man, eating around the chocolate chips in efforts to “save them for later.”
The two were apprehended and taken to the county jail to await sentencing. Allegedly, the Muffin Man’s nuts, just his nuts, were laid upon a dresser and then banged with a spiked fucking bat.
Fellow musician and marijuana enthusiast, Afroman, explained to reporters that they kidnapped and devoured the Muffin Man merely “because they got high.”
But Method Man admits there is a greater issue, claiming that ” [He] has a slight problem, [he] smokes weed too much.”