OTTAWA – In a surprising move this past weekend, Canadian rap sensation Drake (also known as Aubrey Drake Graham) began his 11:00 PM set at the Scotiabank Place on time, precisely at 11:00 PM.
Often notorious for set delays due to constant checking of groupies’ phones while backstage, Drake stunned fans, critics, and approximately 50% of the rapper himself.
The other 50% had been setting progressively earlier alarms for his later half over the past year, to little avail.
“I’d set alarms 20 minutes, 30 minutes, sometimes an hour in advance. He’d would still show up half an hour late,” lamented half of Aubrey.
It appears Aubrey’s black half has won out as wardrobe related indecision keeps the duo consistently late. The white half prefers a smart cardigan and peacoat accented by a floral ascot, while the black half demands Sean John parkas and FUBU jeans. When Aubrey breaks out boat shoes, Drake demands Tims.
Often this results in a rather peculiar outfit.
“Luckily I tour with Lil Wayne, so next to them it’s not hard to look fashionable”
In addition to his schizophrenic fashion sense, Drake is also known for a healthy relationship with his mother, and is often criticized for calling every ex-girlfriend before he performs a concert. The rapper often whimpers to his previous conquests that they can do better.”
While slowly improving his punctuality, balancing multiple identities has proven difficult for Drake. “I swear to fucking god if he puts on another episode of Degrassi, I will shoot myself,” mused Drake’s black half.