Last published picture of Tariq Kasu-Besselman, pre-employment.

By  MC Infarction

ATLANTA – The subject of TLC’s 1999 hit song “No Scrubs” has finally turned his life around; however, reports confirm that she still don’t want his number and, no, doesn’t want to give him her’s. No.

“I’m pretty broken up about this,” said Tariq Kasu-Besselman. “I really changed my life; I haven’t hung out anyone’s passenger’s side, nor have I hollered at any females.”

Indeed, Mr. Kasu-Besselman completed high school and earned his undergraduate degree from Columbia University’s prestigious School of General Studies, majoring in Urban Water Management: “I’ve learned the importance of developing New York’s reservoir system rather than chasing waterfalls.”

After Mr. Kasu-Besselman graduated, he got off his broke ass, got a car and hollered at her, careful to approach her from the right side: “She got some issues with her other eye.”

A spokesperson from TLC noted, “The whole thing about him having money, class, all that…it was an excuse. Motherfucker is just ugly.”