Published on July 30th, 2012 | by Jon Tanners0
No Doubt Hesitant About Whether to Be Certain
ANAHEIM – Pop band No Doubt has been thrown into confusion today after questionable revelations may or may not have threatened their certainty over matters that once seemed rock steady.
The band, recently unable to validate even their most firm beliefs, once famously insisted that this reporter not speak, for they knew just what I was saying.
“Some things you know,” said lead singer Gwen Stefani, “but sometimes you don’t know what you know and, occasionally, you don’t know what you don’t know.”
The confusion began when No Doubt released “Settle Down,” their first single in over a decade.
Mistaking the present year for 1999, the band was cast into a dream world that approximated the real world that may in fact have been real but also could have been a deeper dream.
When called in for assistance, noted Inception director Christopher Nolan said, “Even I don’t know what the bloody hell is happening here. Have one of them spin a dreidel or something.”
Good news may be on the horizon: rumors circulate that No Doubt has been contacted by a committee consisting of OK Go, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, and rapper Mos Def.
And while these artists may assuage some of the band’s doubts, No Doubt threatens to be thrown into further indecision, reconsideration and hesitation by the nefarious duo of ?uestlove and Tom Waits.