By  MC Infarction

SPRINGFIELD – Humiliation, bullying and name-calling have rocked the life of Sanjiv Smith, 15, after he forgot to stop sharing his Spotify to Facebook and was outed as a Vanilla Ice fan.

“This isn’t the kind of thing that happens to me,” said Sanjiv. “Usually, if there is a problem, yo, I’ll solve it.”

But Mr. Smith was unfamiliar with the new Timeline layout and was unable to delete the story. The issue ballooned. Within hours, Smith’s wall was covered in hateful messages, hundreds unfriended him, and he even received several Pokes from strangers.

To shield him from the onslaught of shame Sanjiv’s father tried to take away his computer. But, with MC Hammer playing lightly on repeat in the background, he resolutely told his father “U can’t touch this.”

Facebook spokeswoman Shireen Angle responded via e-mail: “While young Sanjiv is quite broken up by this incident, we think it represents a wonderful example of our mission of connecting people and encouraging them to both collaborate and listen.”

“You know, I wish I could say that he selected it accidentally, that he meant to listen to Van Morrison or Vanessa Carleton,” said Sanjiv’s father Robert. “But he listened to the song 37 times.”

“I have failed as a father.”