Published on September 24th, 2012 | by Jon Tanners0
Remains of Jurassic 5 Found During Dig in Mexico
By E. Mike Pace
COZUMEL – The petrified remains of late 90’s alternative hip-hop group Jurassic 5 were discovered by an amateur archaeologist in Mexico last week.
“I saw what appeared to be an old backpack sticking out of rock,” says Barry Cornwell, who found the remnants hiking with his wife Trish while on vacation on the island of Cozumel. “I normally go out with my metal detector and look for old shells casings. I never expected to find a rap group.”
Archaeology students from the University of Mexico City were called in to fully excavate the ruins. “In all my years of teaching this shit I’ve never come across such well preserved specimens,” program director Dr. Juan Carlos said.
A few meters from the original dig site, Dr. Carlos discovered, “a massive hole filled with thousands, maybe millions of unopened copies of Jurassic 5’s final CD Feedback.”
“But those were new. I guess now we know the answer to that age old question, ‘did anyone want a collaboration between Dave Matthews and Jurassic 5?’”
The hip-hop troupe had been missing for five years when the bodies of all six members were found to be perfectly preserved in soft volcanic rock.
“We had to literally cut Cut Chemist out of the bedrock,” says student Betsy Rodriguez. A turntable with a copy of Quality Control on it was found next to the DJ.
“People are already starting to come check out the site,” claims Dr. Carlos. “We should start charging admission. And you could call it ‘Jurassic Park.’”