NEW YORK CITY – During a recent interview with New York’s Power 105 radio station, rapper DMX showed his ineptitude with computers– caught on video as the rapper admitted his fear of laptop trackpads and the inscrutable beast known as The Google.
Just a week after this interview, DMX was thrown back in jail for speeding, possession of marijuana, and barking too loudly. He revealed behind bars that the radio station gig incident was merely an act.
“What’s my name? DMX actually stands for Digital Master eXtraordinaire,” he told The Rap Insider. “I played dumb about the computer because I didn’t want to seem like a pussy. Then I get to prison, and realize half these motherfuckers is in here for downloading too much Celine Dion.”
“But now that I get to teach Computers 101 to the inmates, I can hack all day without the fear of surprise buttsex” DMX’s newfound protection from prison rape did not, however, prevent him from getting chlamydia .
In stunning detail, DMX revealed his role behind the DNS Virus, his services to WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, and his one-night stand with Rebekah Brooks, whom he helped to hide evidence during the Scotland Yard phone-hacking investigation.
In the middle of a story about showing Ruff Ryder Eve how to use the Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing software, the guard said time was up.
“’Gotta get ready for image editing class. It’s time to stop, drop, shut ‘em down and open up Photoshop.”