SEOUL – The invading red horde of North Korea’s Kim Jong Un was confused today for a goofy South Korean music video re-enactment, leading to the greatest loss of human life on any single day ever.
“We were in our guard tower above the Demilitarized Zone playing Starcraft II when we began to hear a low bass. We confused it for the intro to ‘Gangnam Style,’” said Lieutenant Park Han Hae while a small child in a pompadour haircut aggressively danced around him.
“The sound turned out to actually be 75,000 surface-to-surface missiles rolling up to the edge of the border.”
“Gangnam Style,” the party rock song by Korean artist Psy, has become one of the most-watched videos on YouTube. So popular is the song in South Korea that flashmob re-enactments are now entirely normal and routine; government statistics indicate that up to 15 re-enactments have taken place daily in every city square nationally since July.
But not on this day. At precisely 11:00 AM, the hour at which most Seoul residents were at work rehearsing for the noon national Gangnam Style re-enactment break, a shower of hellfire rained down upon the city, killing everyone.
United States Secretary of State Hillary Clinton released a statement regretting the loss of life and placing blame on the Republic of Korea Armed Forces for letting their guard down at a critical moment. She later retracted her statement after her husband, former President Bill Clinton, showed her the music video and performed his own reportedly nude re-enactment.
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un’s statement was somewhat more terse: “AYYYY SEXYYY LADDYYYYY.”
Justin Bieber and Carly Rae Jespen reportedly burst into tears after discovering that newly-crowned YouTube king Psy was unharmed in the attack.