Published on September 27th, 2012 | by Jon Tanners0
Fed Chairman Bernanke Encourages Americans to Follow Kanye West’s Lead, Buy 80 Chains and Go Ig’nant
By Downtown Mystic
After a recent visit to South Central, Los Angeles, Federal Reserve Chairman Benjamin Bernanke is encouraging Americans to follow Kanye West’s lead and go ig’nant.
“Buy 80 gold chains and go ig’nant, bitches!” shouted Bernanke at a press conference Wednesday, flanked by a bad bitch without no draws and a girl whose ass could’ve won the horse awards.
While speaking to the White House Press Corps, Chairman Bernanke stated that “unemployment will not drop below 8% unless businesses feel comfortable hiring. This can only occur when consumer demand is high enough to support new hires. That is why I am encouraging all Americans to go to Jacob with 25 thou before you have a house, because, let’s be real people: the housing market is f*cked.
Responding to a reporter’s question about whether Americans could afford such products after citing statistics on rising levels of personal debt and increasing foreclosures, the Chairman shook his head and muttered “white people.”
The Chairman subsequently suggested American spending in other areas such as Maybachs, Margiela jackets, other other Benzs, “big face Rollies,” and another Maybach to destroy in a music video directed by Spike Jonze.
Government officials have also confirmed that George Tenet’s Maybach is indeed rented.