SINGAPORE – Lighting issues struck during last Friday night’s Katy Perry set at the Singapore Grand Prix, as the embattled singer was once again overshadowed in the spotlight by her enormous breasts.
The top-heavy Perry wore a black mini-dress meant to show off her legs to no avail, as her apocalyptic juggernauts eclipsed all else, even Grand Prix headliner Maroon 5.
“They certainly did the same to my career,” said Russell Brand to absolutely nobody.
The incident shed light on the voluptuous songstress’ absence from the stage since February’s Grammy Awards. According to NASA, the eclipsing breasts, while able to complement Perry’s face in highly edited music videos, have certainly overshadowed the rest of her body for live audiences since puberty.
NASA astronomers further fear that Perry’s breasts–which they’ve lovingly nicknamed Titan I and II–could cause a global cataclysm on par with the last extinction level event and Gigli.
However, self-proclaimed boyfriend and “Boobologist” John Mayer confided to The Pop Insider that he disagrees with NASA’s assertions of danger: “The real danger? I might have to look at her face if she gets surgery.
“John reassures me I don’t need to get a reduction,” said the “Firework” singer in a barely audible voice from the shadows. “My manager says their size is directly proportional to financial success and wants them bigger.”
Perry responded to NASA’s suggestion that she perform with her back to the audience: “That did not work for Nicki Minaj.”
As researchers struggle to find answers, Perry’s perfectly natural breasts continue to cause problems for cars using GPS, cell phone signals, and all plants.