NEW ORLEANS – Dwayne “Lil Wayne” Carter has surpassed Elvis Presley’s record for most billboard chart singles. TRI was able to reach Mr. Carter by phone to ask him stupid-ass questions about this great accomplishment.
When asked if he knew how long Presley had previously held the record for most billboard singles, Mr. Carter replied that no, he didn’t, but that he did know that Elvis had performed at a badass bitch’s birthday party shortly before he set the record.
Of course, whether or not Weezy will remember his great achievement is a matter of opinion.
Recently, Mr. Carter’s remarkable memory has come under some scrutiny in the scientific and legal communities. He remembers vividly being wronged by Quincy Jones III, as well as how many minutes it has been since there has been a cup of sizzurp in his hand, but has no recollection of his legal troubles for gun possession or what happened to his original teeth.
Mr. Carter has adapted well to his mysterious brain. It appears that for some time he had resorted to tattooing important mementos across his body, such as a note on his abdomen to withdraw some “CASH MONEY” when he next passes an ATM, and a tear symbol on his face to remind him to put Visine eyedrops in both eyes every time he looks in the mirror.
Yet with skin space running scarce, Mr. Carter’s future appears grim. TRI would continue to report on this issue, but, then again, we’re a legitimate news source.
UPDATE: The bitch whose party Presley performed at was crazy stupid thick.