Published on October 2nd, 2012 | by Jon Tanners0
Man Gets Knocked Down, Doesn’t Get Up Again, Presumed Dead
LONDON – In what appears to be a gruesome accident, a 43-year old British man is presumably dead after being knocked down (but not getting up again).
“Essentially, this man was drinking a whiskey drink, a vodka drink, a lager drink, and a cider drink. Not just once, but twice. When he was knocked down, he legitimately could not get back up again,” said Sgt. Randall Ellsworth, of the West End Central Police Station.
“The bar crowd then started singing ‘Oh, Danny Boy,’ but it proved unsuccessful. So they complained that he was pissing the night away and went on with their evenings.”
Police were soon called to the scene, and they found the unidentified man lying in a puddle of his own piss. “I guess he was being kept down.”
In an interview soon after the incident, British alt-rockers Chumbawamba expressed their condolences and attempted to mention that they released ten relatively successful hits over their thirty years as a band, but were then rudely interrupted by bystanders asking them to sing that one “ get knocked down” song.
When asked to comment, Semisonic told TRI to finish their whiskey or beers; Right Said Fred is still Too Sexy to talk to reporters.