Published on October 3rd, 2012 | by Jon Tanners0
Viewer Shocked By Blatant Spoilers: “Yep, There Was Blood.”
SALINAS – Salinas, CA resident Malcolm Crowe was stunned last week upon discovering that Paul Thomas Anderson’s 2007 film There Will Be Blood indeed contained blood.
“You can’t just ruin a movie like that!” shouted an irate Crowe in an interview with The Hollywood Insider.
“The whole movie I’m thinking, ‘there’s fire, there’s oil, there’s a deaf kid–this is great.’ Then I turned to my wife and said, ‘sweetie, I bet there’s gonna be some blood at some point.”
Of course, there was blood.
Citing gross negligence and resultant psychological trauma, Crowe has filed a suit against Anderson, TWBB star Daniel Day Lewis, and a number of other Hollywood notables.
“It’s irresponsible to spoil a movie before viewers have gotten a chance to see it and ruin the ending for each other,” stated Crowe’s lawyer Alan Dershowitz, who stepped out of his role as advisor to the legal team of provocateur Julian Assange in order to, “stand up for man’s right to not learn that Snape kills Dumbledore without reading the damn books.”
The suit also includes Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes To Jail, George Lucas’ Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, cult hit Snakes on a Plane and Stephen Spielberg’s Schindler’s List.
“You can’t just tell people what’s going to happen in the title. That’s why I loved The Sixth Sense. I had no idea Bruce Willis was just dead!”