PITTSBURGH – Rapper Wiz Khalifa was rushed into Allegheny General Hospital last night to undergo an emergency operation that will allow him to smoke weed residue from his lungs as soon as he wakes up.
According to Khalifa’s fiancé, bald model Amber Rose, the “B.A.R. (Burn After Rolling)” rapper had been paranoid he’d been wasting the “unsmoked yet smokable” residue in his lungs, and hollering for surgery.
“When he started watching the political debate, I knew something was deadly serious,” said Rose, who is also pregnant with Kanye West’s daughter. “It was clear Wiz wasn’t getting nearly high enough anymore.”
The surgery entails implanting a small, heat-conductible, insulated tube down the patient’s windpipe that will, when the patient smokes anything, spark the built-up weed residue stuck all along the lungs’ inner walls, giving the patient a high that, according to doctors, is like “smoking Bob Marley’s ashes from a bong given to Tommy Chong by Keith Richards.”
“Shit’s risky but necessary,” said Snoop Lion, who underwent an earlier version of the same procedure in 1995.
While the surgery is likely to push back the release of Khalifa’s second studio album, Only N*gga In First Class , yet again, it will also render the rapper a legal “handicap”, allowing him to smoke his residue on airplanes and while training for next February’s Special Olympics in South Korea.