HARLEM – Rapper Azealia Banks has garnered huge buzz as the sexy new face of female rap. However, photos from the artists Facebook profile allegedly reveal that she is no newcomer, but actually just Missy Elliot minus 73 lbs.
Six months ago a concerned tipster contacted TRI , noting she hadn’t seen Missy at the Women of Hip Hop meetings in a year, and mentioned specifically that she had never seen her present in the same room as Azealia, alluding to a potential Mrs. Doubtfire- esque farce.
At the time, TRI dismissed it as just another Missy Elliot conspiracy theory (and we receive many).
Elliott’s transformation would have gone completely unnoticed, were it not for the recent accidental addition of Tiimeline to her Facebook. She meant to just preview her account with the stalker information aggregator, and unknowingly installed it. Like anyone who has just accidentally added timeline, she could not comprehend how it worked.
Elliott attempted to take the app down, flip it, and reverse it, but it was too late. Perez Hilton, an expert on dramatic weight-loss makeovers and their coverups, had already identified the trick Missy was pulling.
He went through her old photos and tagged the earliest photos as a “Fat Missy”, then slightly later ones “Skinnier Missy”, then as “Full-bodied Azealia”, and then “Thin Azealia that we know today.” He then added KidPix doodles of jizz-dripping penises near the duplicitous woman’s mouth, and blogged them.
TRI was able to reach Missy by phone, and she explained her rationale. “No one was recognizing me anymore anyways, and more importantly, no one was taking my new slutty side seriously.”