By Weezy F. Scott Fitzgerald

OHIO – Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney continued his push for Sesame Street reform during a rally in Ohio last night, outlining a “Save Our Streets” program that would include evicting singer Oscar the Grouch.

The “I Love Trash” singer, who has been a resident of a single Sesame Street trash can for 42 years, was less than thrilled: “Mitt Romney not my cup of mud!”

“Oscar is an illegal alien whose character is paid for by the American taxpayer,” said Romney to repeated chants of “Save Our Streets”. “It’s time we sent him back to Mexico where he belongs.”

The GOP candidate, who during last week’s Presidential debate called Big Bird “a hippy fairy deserving of a legitimate raping”, and last night vowed to show the “I Hate Christmas” singer “what getting kicked to the curb really feels like”, drew praise from FOX, CBS, NBC, CNN, and ABC political analysts for what they all agreed was “standing firm on an issue, finally, and outlining a clear platform the American people can understand.”

But according to Bert and Ernie, a gay, interracial couple, Romney’s legislation could have damaging implications to their right to insert rubber duckies into one another.

An advertisement for President Obama aired on PBS this morning, depicting the President in an outdoor bathtub with Oscar the Grouch, playing with rubber duckies and singing “Me Encanta Basura”.