Published on January 7th, 2013 | by TRI Staff0
2Pac Found Alive In Basement Catching Up On Breaking Bad
BALTIMORE – The body of deceased nineties rapper Tupac Shakur was found early this morning, alive, and catching up on Breaking Bad.
“It was Season 4, the episode before Walt’s epic “The One Who Knocks” speech,” said Papa John’s deliveryman Jeffery Latz, who made the discovery. “He looked like he’d been sitting there for a while.”
Shakur was last seen onstage this summer, before that, in a basement catching up on Lost, and before that, in 1996, dying in a hospital from multiple gunshot wounds.
“It was a large buffalo chicken pizza, and there were lots of other empty boxes around, and it was real hot down there, but he was definitely still breathing, because he pointed his gun and told me he’d kill me if I told him what happens to Hank,” added Latz.
“I like Gus,” said a now morbidly obese Shakur as his Hulu loaded. “He thugs. Walt thugs some, but not like Gus. Gus thugs out, on the reg.”
“I’m almost all caught up on X-Files, Lost, The Big Bang Theory, CSI, How I Met Your Mother, Glee, Gossip Girl, CSI: NY, Dexter, Shameless, Boardwalk Empire, Revenge, Nashville Star, Nurse Jackie, House, Scrubs, Grey’s Anatomy, Bones, ER, CSI: Miami, The Wire, and Pinky & The Brain now,” said Shakur proudly, reeking of body odor, grease, shit, and vomit. “Soo gooood. All sooo gooood.”