Published on February 4th, 2013 | by Trish0
College Student Unable To Name One Pretty Lights Song, Publicly Shamed
By Suri Booze
BOULDER – A student was kicked out of a party at the University of Colorado this Tuesday for failing to recognize the music blaring from the iHome speakers.
“They asked me if I liked it, and I said yes, because I could tell they did,” said college student Peyton Brown. “I knew it was Dead Rats, or Skillets, or Face Nectar, or somebody like that. But I wasn’t sure which one, because they all sound the same to me.”
When Brown was informed the song was by Pretty Lights, he nodded along in agreement. But when asked to name his favorite song by the artist, he was unable to do so. Partygoers threw red solo cups at him and kicked him out.
“What a loser. It’s like, haven’t you ever been to Snowball or Coachella?” asked enraged 20-year-old Pat Brennan.
“I was totally going to hook up with him, too,” said 18-year-old slut Stacey French. “Who doesn’t have a favorite Pretty Lights song? Mine is, um… uhh… you know, that one with the sick drop.”
After the party, Brown did his research – and is not impressed.
“The song names are so generic, I probably could have made up a name and nobody would have known,” he said. “The next time someone asks, I’m going to pick a random adjective and noun. Something like ‘Distilled Peace’ or ‘Tender Life’. Those are better than the actual song titles.”
Brown is reportedly transferring from Boulder to The College of William & Mary in the fall.