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Published on February 12th, 2013 | by TRI Staff


Unborn Children Exposed to Hip Hop 75% More Likely to Star in World Star Video

By Teflon Don DeLillo

ATLANTA – Unborn children exposed to hip hop during the first trimester of the gestation period are 75% more likely to star in a World Star Hip-Hop video, according to a study conducted by Harvard University.

The study followed 300 pregnant women both during their pregnancy and in the years following birth. Women in the test group listened to at least 30 minutes of hip hop a day and were given a diet of Ciroc and Codeine.

Compared to those in the test group, their children had a higher concentration of lower back tattoos, tongue piercings, and daddy issues.

“We noticed in particular that mothers who listened to DMX had a high probability of their children starring in violent fight videos on WSHH,” remarked lead researcher Dr. Carter. “But the children who were exposed to Ja Rule usually just grew up to be pussies.”

Not all mothers were happy with the results of the experiment.

One confused participant explained: “My toddler just kept on screaming his name over and over and over and talking about how amazing he was. As a mother I thought this meant innate intelligence and confidence. Then I realized those scientists had just played a DJ Khaled album through my sonogram.”

Members of the control group, who listened to only Taylor Swift during development, were all unable to mature emotionally past age 13 and were determined to be 94% more likely to appear on the sex offender registry.

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