Published on March 18th, 2013 | by Trish0
Codeine Sales Surge as Lil Wayne’s Overdose Drives Panicked Enthusiasts to Stock Up
LOS ANGELES – “I just can’t keep them on the shelf,” said drugstore manager Harry Ruco in reference to the demand of cough syrup, which has been unmeetable ever since the 30-year-old rapper Lil Wayne was rushed to Cedars Sinai on Friday.
“That gangsta leprechaun’s near-death experience has been great for business, or should I say, biznitch?” reiterated Ruco with a chuckle, only to be informed that no, he absolutely should not say “biznitch.”
Many attribute the rapper’s slurred rhymes and dazed rapping style to the codeine drink. Amidst rumors claiming Wayne’s near-death condition, fans remain concerned that the juice that fuels his talent might run dry.
“First, they came for our drank,” said a wide-eyed 85-year-old man dressed in a Thomas Jefferson costume outside the Montgomery, Alabama Wal-Mart. “What next? Desegregation?”
A suburban cough syrup consumer identified only as Camel Toe shouted: “I heard Macklemore lay that lean diss on that RHCP sample, but fuck me if I can’t make sure I have enough that if he dies I can spit Tha Carter V.”
“Your best protection against syrup, is more syrup, yaknowwhatiamsayin’?” Camel Toe claimed while being escorted out the door by his mother.
Harvey Levin of TMZ was later reportedly seen clutching a Lil Wayne voodoo doll while dunking it in a bucket of purple drank. “God, just picture the wake, I bet they’ll dress him in all white!” he cackled.