Published on June 4th, 2013 | by Jon Tanners0
Anthony Kiedis and Bono Discover New Note
NEW YORK — Red Hot Chili Peppers lead singer Anthony Kiedis, writer of such painfully familiar songs as “Dani California,” “That One Good Funk Song in the Beavis and Butthead movie,” and “Is This the new Grand Theft Auto game? Oh no, it’s just fucking RHCP harping about Bridges, Heroin and California,” and Bono from U2 have discovered a new note.
The two have been using three notes combined for most of their careers. The discovery of a fourth note threatens the integrity of their work and critics fear that originality and creativity could ensue.
At a charity event to stop AIDS or something, Bono accidentally knocked over a crystal glass which, while sonically whizzing through the air, struck Kiedis’ musically trained ear. He then quickly emulated the tone. Bono, driven by the scent of attention, attempted to create a harmony, but instead hit a new, heretofore undiscovered, note.
Once the glass hit the ground, punctuating the impromptu vocal session with a shattering silence, Kiedis and Bono longingly gazed at each other’s eyes as if attempting to penetrate one another’s talent.
The soul-searching was interrupted as Angelina Jolie, Olivia Wilde, or some other famous biddy mostly known for their looks, took the stage to delusionally explain how their latest endeavor would allow them to escalate into the annals of history beyond their roles as mere entertainers, and the note was forever lost in the annals of history.