Published on June 5th, 2013 | by Jon Tanners0
Your Cousin Declares Hip-Hop Dead: “It’s not what it once was, ya know, like with Eminem and 50 Cent and Shit”
SPRINGFIELD – Sitting on the back porch of your Uncle’s house, while sucking too hard on a tightly rolled blunt, your 19-year-old-cousin, Jesse Peligoni, once again decides to inform you that hip-hop as we know it is dead.
“It’s official, hip-hop is dead,” said Jesse, while seemingly mentally preparing a list of evidence and examples, but, as history dictates, will fall short. “Just think back, like all the way to the 90s man, you had your Slim Shady LP and shit, which was just pure classic golden era hip-hop man.”
While you strain not to slap the ever loving shit of the boy, he continues: “By the time the Willennium hit us, shit was never the same, we got the Marshall Mathers LP, and Fidy’s Get Rich…”
He continues to ramble only breaking to cackle at his use of Willenium, and to dance and sing to his own repetition of the phrase of ‘bottle full of bub’.
As you look up and attempt to count stars he blabbers on about bullet holes and you wonder so hard why he never fucking listened to your copy The Low End Theory that your nose bleeds.