Published on June 17th, 2013 | by TRI Staff0
Neil deGrasse Tyson Admits Earth Actually Does Revolve Around Kanye West
NEW YORK – In an article expected to be released in this week’s Science Magazine, and putting to rest thousands of hours of conspiracy fueled by KanyeToThe and /mu/, Neil deGrasse Tyson has confirmed that the earth actually does revolve around Kanye West.
“Essentially, it appears as if the numerous orbiting celestial bodies in our Solar System are all gravitationally attracted towards Mr. West,” said Tyson in a press statement, “Numerous planetary-mass objects also revolve around him as well…what am I saying…fuck you, Copernicus, YEEZUS UP IN HERE.”
The article also includes an in-depth look as to, due to the 2006 IAU definition of a planet, whether or not a pregnant Kim Kardashian is the 9th planet in Solar System, due to her being a sphere by her “own gravitational force,” and by being “really, and we scientists mean really, fucking gigantic.”
“Ray J hit it first, and while his ‘planetary phallus’ is rather impressive, he still revolves around Kanye. CyHi Da Prince is still irrelevant, though.”
Added Tyson, “The hype is real, fam.”