Published on June 19th, 2013 | by Jon Tanners0
NSA Admits To Wiretapping Kanye West For “Yeezus” Information
Keith Alexander, head of the NSA, says the organization was only tracking West in an effort to hunt down Keef. “Chief Keef has ties to Glory Boyz Entertainment and 1017 Brick Squad, both of which are suspected terrorist organizations. We simply cannot allow terrorists like GBE to keep it 3hunna with innocent Americans, and we will continue to hunt for their adolescent leader at gun ranges and strip clubs throughout the world.”
However, whistleblower Edward Snowden claims the NSA has been stalking Kanye for months, desperately searching for any information about the upcoming album. “All they wanted was a free listen to Our Lord And Savior’s newest album. They weren’t even planning on leaking the album to the public.”
President Barack Obama this morning defended the tactics of the NSA. “These semi-legal actions were necessary to maintain the safety of our great nation and the sanity of backpack hip-hop fans everywhere. This was in the interest of national security. This had no relation whatsoever to Mr. West’s upcoming album, which is definitely NOT already in my iTunes top 100.”
“Now hurry up with my damn croissants,” he said with a wink.