Published on June 23rd, 2013 | by Trish0
Kanye West Shocks World by Not Naming Child Kanye West West
“What greater gift, besides my existence, could I bestow my progeny but my namesake?” Kanye was overheard saying by tv cameras to sex-tape starlet Kim Kardashian one week before delivery, while throwing out another pair of her boots.
“Kanye West West/he’s the best best/put it to the test test, that’s a less less-SON!” Kanye rhymed like the modern day King James he believes himself to be.
“It wasn’t a simple choice.” Kardashian told reporters over absinthe based cocktails. “Though it’s perhaps a bit inconclusive, Levitt’s and Dubner’s research on nominative determinism did influence our decision.”
The celebrity couple poured over baby name books and soul record liner notes, rejecting names such as Doo, Sausage, Benedict, and Billy. “Ye is a big ‘Futurama’ fan,” Kardashian explained, “but I haven’t watched a cartoon since that wizard helped me escape from Disney’s Aladdin.”
“Wait a minute, they named their kid North?” asked film director Rob Reiner, “But that’s what I called my abortion.”
The baby North West, middle-name shockingly enough not “Star,” cried. North cried not for hunger, not for sleep, but for the dawning realization that forever during her life, and after her death, she would always be Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s daughter, the most observed couple in America. She cried, for her destiny is already determined, and she has no hope or chance, which is why her name isn’t something normal like Destiny, Hope or Chance.
“Wait a minute!” shouted Kanye while guest editing French Vogue. “What about Frontier?”