Published on July 15th, 2013 | by Trish0
Snowden: “I’d Leak Detox, but It Doesn’t Exist”
SOMEWHERE – In an exclusive interview with Edward Snowden, TRI has confirmed what everybody already fucking knew. Dr. Dre’s long anticipated album, Detox, is not actually a real thing.
“Yeah, sorry everybody, I know many of you already pretty much knew this, but Detox is about as real as the Tooth Fairy,” said Snowden, who after leaking critical information about the NSA’s activities, soon turned his efforts towards helping desperate rap fans.
“I mean, it was a little difficult to hack into Dre’s computer, but once I did, I came across a folder titled ‘Detox,’ and I was like ‘here we go, time to leak this baby’…and then I opened it and realized that it wouldn’t be worth my time to leak a couple lines of shitty lyrics typed up in Notepad.”
Snowden went on to say that it appears as though Dre has put a total of “maybe 20 seconds” into the creation of the album, and that Jay Electronica’s project (Act II: Patents of Nobility) is much more likely to be released seeing as his laptop contains a couple dozen mp3 files composed of several seconds of random noises likely created in Garageband, and audio of Electronica mumbling unintelligibly.