Published on October 30th, 2013 | by Trish0
13 Acceptable Blackface Costumes
Halloween is nearly upon us, and once again, celebrities and imbeciles have us asking the question: when is a costume that includes blackface acceptable? TRI’s staff has worked tirelessly to find the answer to the thinking bigot’s question, and came up with the comprehensive list of acceptable blackface costumes:
1. Racist Douchebag
Finding it hard to convey your fear and disdain for ethnic minorities in a fun and festive manner? Apply some blackface and everyone at your Halloween party will know exactly how you feel about our Muslim Kenyan President!
2. Insensitive Fuck
Sure, your friends and coworkers have heard you talking about “those people” but don’t leave any doubt in their minds. With this costume you say “I don’t care what people think” and “I’m an individual” and “I’m a racist individual.”
3. Wait, You Really Have To Have Another Costume
Stop people in their tracks and make them say “seriously, you have to have another costume. Can’t you just be Spiderman like last year?” Nothing says “you must be joking” like the worst joke in the world.
4. Obvious Racist
When subtlety and diversity are your enemies, sometimes you have to go big or go home. With this snazzy costume, you’ll go big and be asked to go home, no matter where you take it!
5. This Has Got To Be A Joke
Dressing up as Miley? Over done. Walter White? The Wire was a better show anyway. There’s just something timeless about offending your friends, co-workers, strangers, anyone with common sense, all self-aware human beings, an entire culture, your own culture, the idea of culture, and your own sense of decency.
6. Ignorant Motherfucker
You want tell friends how no smar you am? This dress up say “derpity derp derp!” Make friends confuse and parents sad!
No one can believe you would wear blackface, so it must be something else right? Maybe you’re…um…the most popular costume of 2010? That must be it right? Right?
8. Guy Who Definitely Hates Black People
You’re the type of guy (or gal) who is a straight shooter. You don’t mess around, or hide from who you are. You love to listen to Creed, watch the Big Bang Theory, and you absolutely detest black people. In this costume, you can finally do you Halloween style you racist pile of garbage.
9. Probably Also An Anti-Semite
This is really for the nuanced man or woman of prejudice. Why confine yourself to hating just one group? You’re biased, xenophobic, and when it comes to Jews you know where you stand. Talking about how Jews control the media and the banks is essentially tracks 1-20 on Now That’s What I Call Racism: Greatest Hits Edition.
10. Dumb As Rocks
As far as you’re concerned, the sun revolves around the earth, Hot Pockets are a gourmet meal, Pauly Shore is the greatest actor of all time, and this costume is a great idea. Don’t hide your idiocy under a bushel, let it shine, like a big neon sign that says “shit for brains.”
11. Raving Bigot
You look like a mountain person, smell like wet garbage, and live under a bridge. This week when you stand on the street corner screaming epithets into the faces of passersby they’ll see…they’ll finally see…
12. Ted Cruz
I mean, Ted Cruz definitely hates black people, right?
13. Drake, Trying To Fit In
Hip hop’s Morrissey might say no new friends, but we all know he’s the first to reach out to any and all potential buddies. When he asks his Stubble Technician/Eyebrow Artist Jean Michel to do him up Julianne Hough-style, he really just asking: don’t racists cry about their ex-girlfriends too?