Published on December 16th, 2013 | by Trish0
God Not Quite Sure Where Beyoncé Came From
PHOENIX – In a rare, candid moment, God admitted today that he did not create Beyoncé, and has no fucking clue where she came from.
“I mean, shit, I’ve always had a hand in crafting each and every human in my image,” said God, looking out the window of his corner office in downtown Phoenix. “And I’m flattered that you think I could make something like her, but no. It must have been someone else.”
Questions about Beyoncé’s origin were raised after listening to Knowles’ latest album, BEYONCÉ by nearly every human being consumed by the human condition, facing the reality that they are simply mortal and will never have superhuman looks, singing ability, wealth, realness or hair which seems to laugh in the face of every model of physics conceived by humans who, despite their genius, inevitably died.
“I mean I take full credit for Ebola, mass school shootings, Killer Bees, ongoing conflict in the Congo, the Holocaust and Chris Brown,” said God. “But it’s really been a while since I’ve put my powers toward good.”
Beyoncé’s interview with The Rap Insider could not be transcripted because she sang her answers several octaves above any human’s ability to hear.
Representatives at Monsanto could not be reached for comment.
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